tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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