you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
