This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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