That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize