That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
