At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
