I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
