after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
