Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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