i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
