Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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