Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
