Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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