Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So much rum. So many feels.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
