Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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