toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
