just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
