dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
