somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
