last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
