i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize