he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
