mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
