Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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