Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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