I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
