At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
