please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
