So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
