You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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