so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
smell my finger.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
