About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
