I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
even my farts smell like vagina
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
