so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
