My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
