this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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