shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
