the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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