she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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