Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
