I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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