$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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