I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
