You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
