I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
