planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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