This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
