he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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