we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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