omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
