Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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