just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
