you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just gift wrapped bread.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
