She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I deserve this hangover.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
