i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
