just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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