Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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