in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
