So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
