Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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