This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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