We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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