How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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