if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
