The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
