So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
