The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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