There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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