Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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