I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
