So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
