dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
