do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
