Moan for me like Helen Keller
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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