I molested 6 butterflies tonight
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
