I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
